I need to be comforted. I need comfort. I need comforting touches and comforting words.
This realization didn’t come easily.
A few months ago, while I was in PTSD therapy my therapist asked me what I needed to make myself feel better. I was taken aback. No one has really asked me this. What do I need?
What did I say? I said the the first paragraph of this post.
But what is comfort? I don’t even know what that word means sometimes. What does it mean to be comforted? I had to look up the word in a dictionary. Here’s what is says:
1. a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
2. consolation for grief or anxiety.
It makes total sense now. I often have lots of unease from anxiety and worry and stress. Plus my PTSD thoughts are often in my head. I need comfort because I never really got it as a child. I was often the person who had to be in charge. I had to worry about my parents’ health or wellness. I don’t remember getting any comfort.
So this is what I need. I need comforting words and comforting touch. But that’s so difficult to receive today. Sexuality gets in the way, and for many abuse survivors any kind of touch can be a trigger or at the very least, unwanted.
My therapist said I can get comfort from my wife, which is true. I certainly didn’t mean I wanted the comfort from my therapist, but I’m sure she was just trying to clear it up for me. I’m aware of the client-therapist relationship limits.
But many people can’t get comfort from others, either because they aren’t in a relationship, or the partner just doesn’t do it. It’s sad because it’s such a need, and you need another person to provide comfort.
Providing comfort to yourself works too, but it’s a bit different. I think I relate self comfort to self care. Taking care of yourself, doing something fun, or doing something to make yourself feel good. Does comfort from a third party work better? I don’t really know, but you know good comfort when you get it.
The whole world needs comfort. Who gets an excess of comfort? It’s something we don’t pay attention to unless we really need it.
So to wrap up this post, ask yourself how you’d like to be comforted, seek comfort in others, and practice self comfort or self care.
New blog post! A little bit of advice for dealing with BFRBs during the holiday season.
I’ve always had a really hard time asking for help… I like to do things on my own, I like that feeling of accomplishment, of earning things by working hard… of not needing to depend on anyone.
But asking for help IS taking matters into your own hands. It doesn’t mean you’re doing any less on your own… it means you’re doing everything YOU can to get what you need or to where you need to be.
All of my teenage and young adult life, I have battled non stop to control the urge to pick at, scratch at, pull at and rip my skin and scabs. Over the years I have gathered numerous scars all over my body and with the type of skin I have, the scabs once healed leave really prominent dark…
Sometimes I worry that I’m not ready to start my recovery from Dermatillomania because Derma is my best friend and my biggest comfort and I don’t think I’m ready to let it go… is this common? Does anyone feel this way?
I felt the same about my struggle with dermatillomania. I always thought I needed to be ready, so I waited for years and years and years. Because maybe, I thought, maybe I would wake up one morning and I’d be so done with the derma that I’d finally be motivated enough to let it go and stop picking. But this thinking pattern is wrong. It is not your fault and you should not blame yourself for doing it. You really have to believe this. If it was your fault, if you were the blame, don’t you think you would already have stopped? So let go of the shame and guilt you feel about the derma, give these thoughts a really hard kick or something but don’t let these feelings ever come in again.
Therapy or recovery for dermatillomania doesn’t always mean letting it go and stop the picking. When you seek therapy, it is your journey, it is your recovery. It is your life you are living, so it’s up to you. Ever since the first session I told my therapist I wasn’t there because I wanted to stop. I was there because I didn’t want to let the derma obstruct me in my life anymore. I want to feel okay in my own body, whether or not by accepting, or by changing habits. I am confused about what I want, but that’s okay. Every moment is the right moment to start recovering.
I think what you’re talking about here is acceptance. Accepting that you’re a picker and you’ve managed your picking enough so it’s not ruining your life. You can accept it and really move on with your life and tackle other issues.
Do you have any tips/links for minimizing blackheads? Or can you ask your followers for tips? I’ve have them in my T-zone for forever, and they won’t go away :( Making it very tempting to pick.
Got a request from a follower about this. Does anyone have good experience minimizing blackheads? I used to get those a lot when I was younger but that has gotten better over the years.
I remember using those Biore strips and they seemed to help. Also, getting a facial by an aesthetician really helps. I did a quick search and found this as the top result on Google. Sometimes professional treatment is necessary to kick start your healing.
Maybe other people might have some suggestions.
These are Christina Anderson’s tips that helped get her to being 484 days pull-free. You can contact Christina for more information about her journey here: email@example.com
See if any of these help you:
1. ASK for help. When you have a trigger, reach out to someone who has been there, and can help you fight it.
2. NEVER be alone, if you can help it. When you are alone, and having a hard time, remember there are always people (like me) who are more than willing to be there for you, especially because we understand.
3. EDUCATE others about your trich/derm. I know it sounds crazy, and extremely hard, but the more people you tell, the less shame you feel. At most, you may get one or two questions, (Usually “doesn’t it hurt?”) and then it’s over. And you can walk away with less weight on your shoulders.
4. FIND your “why”. Why do you want to be pull/pick free? This reason will help you remain focused when you are having your urges.
5. DISCOVER what triggers you to have an urge. Boredom? Stress? Certain people? The more you know about yourself, the better you will be able to deal with the urges. I’ve used this analogy with others- You wouldn’t go to battle without knowing the enemy. Learn your enemy.
6. CELEBRATE the small victories. Because small victories lead to huge accomplishments. I have also used this analogy- If you are running a marathon, you are not going to focus on the 26.2 miles you have to go. Instead, you learn to focus from mile marker to mile marker. That’s what you need to do. Instead of focusing on being trich free forever, let’s start with an hour. Then two. Then a day. You can finish that marathon, but do it little by little.
7. BREATHE. When things get REALLY tough, it helped me by finding a quiet spot (I have 3 kids so that can be tough) and closing my eyes, and just breathing, slowly. Listen to your heartbeat. Listen to the air going in and out of your lungs. While you do this, imagine yourself trich free. The mind is VERY powerful.
8. Don’t strive for perfection. There may be a time when you pull a hair out here and there. But you know what? No one is perfect. Instead remember how far you’ve come, and realize that you have the strength to go even further. (:
Do you have any tips and tricks you’d like to share with us?? We’d love to add to a larger list on our website.