threeoh2 Asked
QuestionI've been picking for as long as I can remember. Tonight I decided to look up things to help me stop and stumbled upon dermatillomania. I'm researching like crazy and have learned that it could be connected to my lupus. Glad to learn I'm not alone. Answer

Welcome and hope you’re doing ok. It can be a shock, and some people can get sad to learn that this is an actual mental disorder. But the good news is that this has a name. You’re not alone. Millions of other people are suffering. Many of them still don’t know about dermatillomania. So we are all pretty new to all of this.

Anyway, yes, it appears that some medical conditions (especially skin conditions) can trigger or aggravate skin picking. Take care and write back if you have any other questions. Good luck!

Anonymous Asked
QuestionHi, I love your blog<3 I have a question, do you have any tips/advice on how to reduce skin picking? I don't think I am confident enough to go to a doctor, but there surely should be somethings that I can do to improve by myself? I've seen people who suffer from derma who have improved, I am hoping there is hope for me :) Answer

Hi there, thanks a lot! Well, I have a page that speaks generally about how to stop. But it’s a good first step. There’s a lot that you can do on your own, but I doubt that it can do much good. I mean, if we could stop on our own, we’d have done it already. There’s no magic formula. It jut takes a lot of work. You have to re-train your brain to think of new ways to deal with anxiety. You have to find new things to play with, rather than pick your skin. You should also find out why you’re picking. Why you’re anxious. What are your triggers. And stuff like that is best left to therapy. 

It’s difficult to ask yourself these questions. Having someone to talk to and who knows a course of action for treating derma is important. The most common forms of therapy are cognitive behavioral therapy, or habit reversal therapy. Both try to get you to reverse your habits, or trade them in for new, better habits.

There’s medication, too, but of course that requires medical professionals as well. Unfortunately, you can’t take care of this on your own, usually. It doesn’t just go away. You need a focused treatment plan and the help of trained mental health professionals. Good luck!

Anonymous Asked
QuestionMy picking has gotten really bad so I decided to try to get a fidget toy. There are so many varieties though so I don't know which one to get. I'm sure the different kinds serve different purposes. Do you have any advice? Answer

I think fidget toys are very personal. So in the end, it really depends on what speaks to you. So that means you have to go and buy a few and start using them and see how it goes. Do you pick less? Do you reach for the fidget toy rather than pick? Those are the kinds of things you need to ask yourself.

Sure, they all have their purposes, but it depends on what you’re into. Do you like tactile things? Then maybe a brush or comb might be good. I carry around those $2 combs that fits in the palm of your hand because I like how it feels. But I use a different toy every week, practically. I get bored with them. So I have a large stockpile. Don’t worry about getting one fidget toy, worry about getting too many of them. 

I have so many that I keep them in a little bag, like one of those travel bags that people use to carry their toiletries. I’ll post some pictures one day, with the bag and everything I keep inside, but the short story is that I have a lot of things in there. Sometimes I’m in the mood for something different, or something squishy, or maybe I just need some lotion or a band-aid. It’s all in my little bag. 

Check out my page on fidget toys to get a start on what I recommend. I need to add more stuff, but you can really use anything as a fidget toy. Keys, or your key holder. Pens. An eraser. Anything in your purse or anything you put in your pocket. Be creative. Spoil yourself with toys. Don’t worry if you only use it once. It’s a learning process. And throw it in a bag, you might want to use it later. 

Thanks for writing and good luck!

"8. DSM-5 creates a slippery slope by introducing the concept of behavioral addictions that eventually can spread to make a mental disorder of everything we like to do a lot."
Anonymous Asked
QuestionJust wondering if you know of anyone else who has to control the urge to get deliberately sunburnt in the summer. I'm ashamed of admitting it but I have done this before (I spent ages thinking about posting this as I don't want to encourage it) Answer

Hi there, I haven’t heard of it, but it’s not to surprising. And don’t worry about encouraging stuff, people do whatever they want no matter what people post or say or do. Anyone else out there do this? I’m betting lots of people do this, or at least have thought of it. 

While at the TLC conference last month, a speaker said that dermatillomania (and other BFRBs) are a disorder of isolation. There are millions of us, all over the world, struggling with skin picking and trich. Many of us are just sitting at home alone, desperately trying not to pick. Or actually sitting alone at home and picking or pulling.

Derma and trich affect people of all kinds, all around the world. Yet we are struggling alone, isolated. The power to heal comes from sharing, talking openly and coming together. Fighting the stigma and the lack of awareness are part of this isolation. 

Millions of people, of all races, religions, body types, in every country are affected. And how far back in human history have people been affected by this? Just thinking about people in the past and how they must have been bewildered by all of this is very earth-shattering and kind of bewildering. Only in the last 20 years are we coming closer to understanding BFRBs and finding treatments that work. That’s a long time in the course of human existence, isn’t it? 

Progress has sure been slow, but things are changing. More research and treatment options will start as trich and derma get more attention. People won’t be isolated anywhere. They won’t think they’re alone, or a freak. 

So I know this post is very “Whoa, dude” but just wanted to point out the isolation factor. And sometime to remember for all of us, is that we need to minimize this isolation. That means getting out of the house, or getting out of our rooms where we pick and pull with no one watching over us, and no one stopping us.

Get out of the house, and get rid of that isolation. See some old friends, go to the library or a cafe. Go to the park. You get the point. Don’t isolate yourself. You’re really not alone.

QuestionI've picked in front of my family before, sometimes they notice, sometimes they don't. Except one time my sister told me to stop picking really rudely and I got mad at her, said she didn't really care. But she told me she did care, she always cared. She said that had to say it that way, she had to get mad at me, or she would start to cry. I try not to pick around her anymore. Answer

Thanks for sharing. I sincerely believe that people do care even if they yell at you. That’s just their way of letting you know. They just don’t know how to say it nicely, so they are rude or condescending or make fun. People care that you’re doing this. I mean, some people might just be grossed out or something, but in the end it’s about caring and worrying about you. They just are dumb about sharing those feelings. 

Anonymous Asked
QuestionThat's exactly how I feel! Over winter break at home I did purposely pick my arms in the same room as my parents...I feel kind of dumb for wanting to be noticed but what you said makes sense. Like clearly I don't want to be made fun of if I wear a tank top, but if I expose my arms and my mom says something, maybe that can start a conversation. I don't know why I'm so afraid or averse to getting help sometimes, because if I came across someone else, I'd urge THEM to get help! Answer

This is in response to this anonymous ask, I believe. 

Wanting to be noticed. Hoping someone says something (that’s not rude). Why doesn’t anyone else know I’m picking my skin? I hear that a lot. I’ve also thought things things. 

I kind of feel like I’m getting away with something. Something bad. Like I’m really sneaky. Or I’m fooling everyone, ha ha! 

As I said, I definitely want to talk about this some more in future posts. Thanks for writing in. If you have something to share on this, please write me or post something on your blog. Thanks!